How to Deal with Envy When You’re a Writer

Believe it or not, feeling envy towards your writing peers is one of the most common feelings when you’re a writer. You log on to social media and your friend who’s been working on her novel finally lands that agent or gets that book deal. That stranger you follow who writes romantasy just self-published and is killing it at marketing.

You look at your own situation and find yourself lacking. It seems like things are always working out for everyone else but never for you.

Listen to me: It is perfectly normal to feel this way. It is perfectly normal to compare yourself, to wish that you were in the shoes of someone who seems more successful. It’s even okay to grumble a bit about how you were a beta reader for them and know for a fact their novel is full of plot holes — just don’t let it get out of hand!

All of these are perfectly human, perfectly real responses. The problem is that everyone’s too ashamed to talk about it.

But I think we need to remove the taboo that comes with experiencing jealousy and envy. It’s detrimental to our own mental health to berate or shame ourselves for having thoughts and emotions that arise completely on their own and that at the end of the day don’t actually define who we are.

What we should be doing is tapping into ourselves a bit more and investigating what these feelings are actually pointing to. Jealousy and envy are secondary emotions sprouting from other bigger emotions: fear (what if I never find an agent?), anger (I write and write and write and yet all I get are rejections!), and many others.

There’s an easier way to deal with these troubling emotions. You’ll find that once you’ve managed your jealousy or envy, you free up space in your body where creative energy can now course through. So read along below for some tips on how to reframe your jealousy/envy the next time it rears its ugly green head.

• First of all, remember: envy is human. It’s something we all feel, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing or that you’re a bad person. Envy often points to things we care about deeply. So if you’re feeling it, it’s a sign that writing truly matters to you.

• Identify your triggers. Take a moment to reflect on what exactly you’re envious of. Is it someone’s writing style, their publishing success, or the recognition they’re getting? Pinpointing the specific trigger can help you understand more about your own goals and desires.

• Let envy guide you toward your own growth. Instead of letting envy make you feel ‘less than,’ ask yourself: What can I learn from this person’s journey? Is there a skill they have that I can work on, or a practice that inspires me to try something new?

• Shift your focus back to your path. We each have our own unique voice and journey. When you feel that twinge of envy, remind yourself of your own accomplishments, big and small. Celebrate every step you’ve taken. Your story deserves its own space to grow.

• Practicing gratitude can help. Take a moment to list things you’re grateful for in your writing journey — friends who support you, your progress, or the joy of creating. Gratitude can help quiet the envy monster and refocus your energy.

• Ultimately, one of the best things you can do is just let the feeling of envy be. Simply observe it, knowing you don’t have to act on it. Remind yourself that it’s just a feeling and it will pass. You’re bigger than any momentary emotion, so don’t berate yourself for what you feel.

In the end, remember this: writing isn’t about winning some invisible race. It’s about creating something meaningful to you. Don’t let envy steal that joy. Let it guide you back to what you truly want for yourself.